A Bohemian Christmas Carol
by The-Phanatics
Summary: Inspired by the Classic story, Benny gets a wake up call on Christmas Eve. With appearances by: Pheobe Buffay, Joey Tribbiani, and Chandler Bing. Please be nice on the reviews!
1. Intro by Mark Cohen

We ne'er owned, we ne'er owned, we ne'er owned last year's Rent! Or the funny cameos from different shows.

A Bohemian Christmas Carol

By: The Phanatics

New York City, Christmas Eve, 1994 2:30 pm Eastern Standard time. I followed Roger to work for our unfair, yet keeps food on the table, jobs. We were living in shitty, yet nicer than our last, loft on the pay that kept us fed and provided the rent 99 of the time. Not only did Roger and Mimi in the last few years had four kids, Mallory and Megan, who were twins, born in 1989 from a different relationship of Mimi's, and their two sons, Peter and Tim, (called 'Tiny Tim' for short.) And Maureen and Joanne were living with us, along with Collins, who had almost gotten caught with the rewiring of the ATM at that food court.

Any way, it was another work our asses off Christmas Eve and our employer, was PMS-ing more than usual. His name, as the entire tenth heard of, was Benny Coffin III and he was an evil little man. He used to be our friend, but married Allison Gray of the West Port Grays. He basically was the modern day scrooge and everyone knew that he was a pretty damn hard ass and wasn't much of the nicest guy to be around. Sure he paid for Angel's funeral, but after Mimi left him, let's just say he was PMS-ing more often.

"Mr. Coffin," said Bob Crotchet, the poorest man in the working facility. Before I explain what he said to Benny, let me explain more about Bob Crotchet; he moved here three years ago from New Jersey with his wife, Emily, and their four children, Anthony, Belinda, Anna, and their youngest son, Tim, (also known as tiny Tim like our little Tim,). He came up to him, saying, "If you don't mind…" the poor man stammered with fear in his eyes. Benny looked at him with cold eyes and said, "Spit it out Crotchet," his eyes were spitting fire as the other workers, with the exception of me and Roger, were shaking-and yes I mean literally-shaking with fear. "I…err…was wondering if you could let us turn the heat up and…."

"And how would the rest of you like to be…UNEMPLOYED!"

The men immediately rushed back to their accounting quivering with fear. "God, Benny," said Rodger as he placed his coat in the closet. "What now, Mr. Davis, Mr. Cohen?" To the tone of his voice, we knew that the old Benny was gone and unless there was a miracle, I don't think he would be buying anymore AZT for his 'friends'.

"Since when are we on a last name basis," I asked placing my camera on my desk.

"Since I hired you boys at the beginning of this year…"

"Please Benjamin, you hired us because you wanted us to be more productive," said Roger, "That and you nearly caused Maureen and Joanne to live on the fucking streets…"

"How's Mimi been?" the sick bastard asked and you could tell he still had a small thing for her. And I am one to be over protective of my friends; especially the ones with AIDS.

"Not interested in you if that's what you freaking mean."

"Mark," whispered Roger as he grabbed me and said, "If you piss him off _we_ may be the ones living on the streets."

"Fine, but what he does to Bob, you and everyone else really pisses me off."

"But the at least the money pays for the AZT and stuff."

"You, Mimi, and Collins are the only ones who need it."

"And I thank God every day that the kids didn't get the virus."

As we sat down to work, giving up the fight we had with our ex-room mate, we noticed Bob was counting the little money he had in his wallet. "Hey Bob," I called, "Are you a little low on cash there?" Bob, as many could tell was a very timid, quiet man with brown hair, tall and lanky, along with old glasses that you could tell were tapped so many times. "Yeah," he said shyly, "I'm trying to decide whether or not to put this money in the bank or to put it in the fund for Tim's surgery."

"What's wrong with him?"

"Apparently, he has an issue with his bone marrow and they need to replace it with another."

It occurred to me then that his child, his youngest child, had Leukemia and he needed the money to pay the bill in order to have the surgery. In times like these, I wish Collins was still here in the city, so he could give us the new code to the ATM at the food court so that way the money could be given to him. I looked into my wallet. There was only a fifty and a twenty in it. I noticed that Roger did the same thing too. We each gave him a fifty for an early Christmas gift. "Why don't you and your family visit us tomorrow for coffee?" I asked as I turned my camera off. Bob looked at me and said, "You sure? I don't really want my and I to be a burden."

"No burden," said Roger as he offered Bob a half of his corn beef sandwich.

The building we worked in was some what shittier than the loft we lived in. It looked nice on the outside, but inside, it was plain, smelled like rotten bubble gum, and was just a bad place to work. But the pay was nice, and we had an advance on our salary because Benny had the delusion that we were still his friends, when really, the entire tenth city, (or just those who worshipped Maureen), would spend half of their time trashing him and calling him "Benninizer Scrooge" or worse, "Stupid Ass Whore Monger," Yeah, he was a regular at the Cat Scratch Club. Usually, he would be bad for the whole of the year, but around Christmas…you'd better watch out kids because someone's coming to town and it's not Santa Claus. And people who worked for charity steered clear of the building, knowing of his bad temper.

As it came time for closing, I saw Benny look at the picture of Allison Grey, his late wife and partner. During the year Following Angel's death, she had suddenly found out that she had Marfain Syndrome, (A/N: Yeah the same thing that killed Jonathan Larson) and was too late for that same night, an aorta exploded in her heart. Roger went into his office, reminding him that it was closing time and such. "Fine, Davis," he said with no emotion. "Be here tomorrow by eight," We all looked at him with desperation, hoping that he wouldn't back down at trying to convince the Devil to give us the day off. With my camera taping the whole event, Benny then said, "Tomorrow is Christmas," said Roger as he looked at him with anything but fear in his eyes. "Fine," said Benny as he fixed up his papers, "eight thirty then."

"If you please Mr. Coffin, some of us need the time to see our family."  
"I suppose you want the whole day off?"  
"Since there's going to be no customers…yeah."

"Well…since you put it that way, I'll consider it, but I want you to work full tome next weekend."

We nearly cheered our socks off at this hint of generosity. But it ended abruptly when our evil boss yelled, "WOULD YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?!" As the idiot left the building, Bob's friend, Mack, looked out the window and yelled. "Finally, he's gone!" The men started laughing with joy and happiness that would come to them the next day. In a rush, we cleaned the room with joy and fast paced movement and retreated home for the holidays.

As I turned my camera on, I could almost smell Maureen's turkey as well as my Mom's famous Hanukah chicken along with the matzo ball soup. As we got home, Mimi was cooking a small Hanukah Chicken. In our home, we celebrate both holidays now. Maureen and Joanne were filling out Christmas card as Mallory, Meagan, Peter, and Tim were decorating the tree, since we could finally pay for one along with the ornaments. The moment the kids saw Roger come in they screamed with joy, "DADDDY!!!!!!!!" I took out my camera quickly as the four kids crushed their father. When they had him in a dog pile, Roger squeaked out, "Ok, daddy needs to breath. Why don't you go bug Uncle Markey?" I placed the camera down and cried "What?" But it was too late; they cried out "UNCLE MARKEY!!!!!!!" and pinned me down. Maureen then got up and tapped it on my camera. "I'm defiantly sending this to Buzz Line, I can see it now: _29 Year Old Virgin Gets Pinned by Little Kids._" Mimi then came out of the kitchen, wearing an apron that said, 'Kiss the Cook', on and complained, "Hey Maureen, not in front of the kids. Now can you help me out with the potatoes in the kitchen, you can help out too, Joanne,"

As the women cooked and the kids decorated the tree with popcorn strings, Roger dug around for the cartoon of _How the Grinch Stole Christmas!_ While did that, I went to my closet to get the Chocolate coins, the menorah, the candles, the Yamahasthe daedal, and the copy of _The Night Before Christmas. _As I looked outside, I saw the snow fall and I said in my isolating thoughts, I hope you have a good Christmas Benny.


	2. Chapter 2: Ghost

We ne'er owned, we ne'er owned, we ne'er owned last year's Rent! Or the funny cameos from different shows.

Chapter 2: A Visit from the Ghost

Benny walked past the Life Café. It looked warm and toasty inside. It was where he was mooned that night by Maureen for allegedly "wreaking" her protest. Humbug, he thought with a sneer. His train of thought was interrupted when something cold smacked into the back of his head. He turned around to see three teenagers, one boy and two girls. "Gerry, now you've really done it!" cried the girl with red hair as she fixed her eyes with fear. The boy named Gerry turned around to the girl and said, "He doesn't seem to be doing jack shit Scarlet."

"That's the guy who almost destroyed the Space last year you douche bag!"

"Would y'all just shut up? God people are nicer in Kentucky and not dip shits like you guys are acting like right now."

"Shut up Megan."

"Bite me Blondie."

"SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BRATS!"

All was silent in the streets. Benny, as it appeared, had ended their little spat and was full on angry. "Now," he said with no emotion, "which one of you had threw the slush ball at me?" Gerry took the courage he had in him and said, "I-I did, Mr. Coffin."

"Ok, that will be a thousand dollar fine."

"Thousand dollar fine? Are you fucking kidding me? That ain't worth jack shit! And besides, you ain't a friggin' cop."

"Don't start with me, young man, if I could, I would call the cops to arrest your sorry ass."

"Make me ass wipe!"

"Gerry," cried the girl called Scarlet, "don't do it! You'll get yourself and us in trouble."

"Scarlet stay outta this, he has to stop being a douche bag to the poor. And he deserves to be called that after he gave a fake dime to my brotha' from anotha mother!"

"Trash like you should be left on the street," said Benny, "now be off with your whores and don't let me catch you by my property again."

"Then don't show your fugly face around the Life anymore!" said Megan.

"Burn!!" the other two roared with laughter. Benny walked off in some what of a girly huff. He hated it when teenage brats made fun of him, especially when they were related to Maureen Johnson.

He came to his complex, the rich ones on the Upper East Side, and dug through his pocket to find his key. The snow was falling gently as the carolers at Gimbals across the street sang "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" over and over again. Highly annoying, he thought as he found the key and placed it into the door knob. As he was about to, the knocker on the door was strange looking tonight. As he tired to place it in, he thought the door sort of…well…spat the key out of the hole. He was starting to get frightened now. He looked at the knocker and he was out of his mind in shock. "Al-Allison?" he quivered.  
The knocker then yelled, "BENNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!" it had frightened him so horribly, that he literally fell flat on his back in the snow. "Hey look," cried a young voice, "its Benniezer Scrooge, mommy."

"Billy, don't say that, we wouldn't want to anger Mr. Scrooge-I mean Mr. Coffin," said the boy's mother. But deep down, she couldn't hold her agreement. In deed, Benny was the most considered man more reckless than Ebenezer Scrooge, and that just caused him to say, "Bah Humbug," more often.

After the event that made him look like a twit on the streets, Benny noticed that the knocker had returned to its normal self and he tossed the thought of his dead wife out of his fragile and greedy mind. Inside, however, Benny was cautious of where he went. Still freaked out by the event about five minutes ago, he had a feeling of anxiety when he entered the living room. There he placed on his Egyptian cotton pajamas and his silk blue robe on, and heated himself some left over meatballs and pasta.

The fire was nice, clam and quiet on a cold winter's night, but not tonight. As he dined on his fabulously prepared leftovers, the fire died out to a point where Benny had to use a flash light to see his way around. _Benny_ the wind whispered in his ear. "Who's there?" he cried with fear starting to brew up inside him. "If you want my money, I'm…uh…broke. Yeah broke, I'm a squatter who's wearing my boss's pajamas and robe." Instead of the wind, there was a sound of rattling shackles. "Come any closer and I'm calling the cops!"

"Benny," said a familiar voice, "now this any way to treat your late wife?"

"Allison?"

"Yeah," said the voice, "it's me, the one who was drop 'dead' gorgeous.

She still had her dry sense of humor and she still had the same snobby voice, the voice that he had fallen in love with. "C'mon, baby," he cooed, "show your self to me." But she didn't open the door, oh no, she went right through it pulling the heaviest of chains with her. They had seemed to pin her to the floor and she seemed tired and weak. Benny was shocked at all of this. She was full of energy and life when she was alive, but now, she was tired, and weary.

"Why are you here?"

"I'll tell you that in a moment, but for now I bring a warning…"

"Is it anything to do with sex?"

"You god damn idiot, if you just listen to me for once and stop being a douche bag for five seconds of your life, I can tell you my message."

"Fine, what 'message' you have to tell me?"

"You have been a sick bastard in the last few years, especially after your lover broke up with you for the ex-junkie."

"Wait, you're telling me you knew about my affair?"

"Duh, why do you think I walked out into the snow five times a week? But what I'm trying to say is the greed that I have lived in through my whole life bit me in the ass and it may be the same for you."

"But what does this have to do with me?"

The ghost was getting impatient with Benny. How was she to get her point out, if he was being stubborn? Fed up, she said, "I didn't wanna have to do this." The next thing Benny knew, he was covered up in heavy chains. "What's with all these hideous chains?"

"These are the chains that I created through my life because I was greedy and selfish in life. For that I'm forced to carry these chains for eternity. May be even longer," Benny was shocked to see that his wife was forced to walk the earth with these chains. "And the same thing will happen to you, Scrooge,"

"Is there any way I can prevent this?"

"Well, I hate to say it but, yes, there is a way, but you might not buy it."

"Just tell me the damn thing, woman."

"Don't take that tone with me, I may be dead, but I can still kick your ass."

"Please tell me,"

She took in a deep breath and said, "Tonight, you will be visited by three spirits, don't ask me why, it's just in the contract."

"You mean there are more of you, I had enough ghosts for one night, and it isn't even Halloween!"

"No shit, Sherlock, but just expect the first ghost when the bell tolls one."

"Can't they come all at once and be done with it?"

"When the bell tolls one,"

She then disappeared into the darkness. The fire returned to it former glory of lighting the room. And Benny stood there, alone in his room. He whispered a simple, 'humbug' and retreated to bed.

As he turned his alarm clock off, he looked at the time, "twelve fifteen," he thought and fell asleep, dreaming of Mimi and money. As he dreamed of his former lover, the alarm clock went off. He looked at the time: 1:00. As he thought of how the clock turned itself back to alarm, a warm, soft white light lit the room, and a female figure came across the room. "Angel?" he asked.

A/N: Sorry if its short, but it will get better.


	3. The Ghost of Xmas Past

We ne'er owned, we ne'er owned, we ne'er owned last year's Rent! Or the funny cameos from different shows.

Chapter 3: The Ghost of Christmas Past

"Angel?" said a highly annoying voice, "who the hell is Angel?" the woman was wearing a white toga with a holly crown around her head of blonde hair. "Then who are you?" asked Benny as he took a step back from the ghost and hid under his blanket. "I'm uh….wait a sec, let me get my card out to show ya," The woman took a white card with gold trimming around it that said, _Regina Phalange the Ghost of Christmas Past._ Benny looked at the girl and then the card again and said, "Aren't you the annoying girl who lives across the street with her grandmother and hangs at that new coffee shop, Central Perk?"

"No shit, Sherlock, but my part time job, like tonight, is to be the Ghost of Christmas Past, to show you that even though it's Christmas, you still sit on a throne of lies and cash, which by the way, I charge twenty bucks per past memory." She fixed her hair and then she held out a guitar and played a tune for a moment or two and then said, "But my real life name is Phoebe Buffay, but I want you to refer to me as 'Spirit'," she stated and went back to her guitar.

Benny couldn't believe it. His neighbor, dressed in a toga, was going to show a reenactment of his past Christmases. This should be rich, and no way am I paying twenty bucks per past, he thought bitterly.

The Ghost placed her guitar away in its case and then made her way to the window to open it, looking at the city below her. "Ok, Benny, time to go." Benny, who had a fear of heights, looked at her dumbstruck and said, "Spirit, if you're forgetting, I'm mortal, and will most likely fall and experience a painful death,"

"Just a touch of my hand and you will be able to fly,"

Benny looked at her hand and immediately spat out, "No I think I'll stay here and you can tape it,"

"C'mon, I don't have a lot of time for this, just take my hand,"

"No,"

"Take it,"

"No, you'll drop me,"

"NO I WON'T, NOW JUST TAKE THE DAMN HAND! If I'm late for the yearly Jacob Marley Christmas party as a celebration of him being detained from his chains, I'll kill you. " Benny then grabbed her hand and they flew into the night. He held it as tight as he could because he feared that she could either kill him or worse, make him cry. Carols were being sung in the night while the Ghost sang a really unusual song, _Smelly cat, smelly cat what are they feeding you? _"Isn't New York City pretty at Christmas time?"

"I truly don't care about Christmas, Spirit,"

"Well neither do I,"

"Why?"

"Because my mother killed herself before Christmas,"

What a strange girl, he thought as looked down at the city, praying to God she wouldn't let go of his hand. _I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitching. How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen? _ Benny just looked at her and then prayed that she would let go of his hand just for the fact that her singing was really horrible. As they got to the Twin Towers, (This is 1994, so of course they're still going to be standing) there was a blinding white light and the Ghost then yelled out, "It's beautiful Benny!" But Benny had only one word come out of his mouth; "MOMMMMMMYYYYYYYY!!!" He closed his eyes and prayed silently.

And the warm white light brought them forth to a small town with people dressed as if they were from the 1800's. "What does this time period have to do with me?" he asked as they landed. "This isn't just a time period, if you can remember; this was your school somewhat, just in the Amish Country in Philadelphia because your parents thought you were a spoiled brat from hell." Benny cringed at the thought of his father, who never treated him like a son, but more like a pest.

The Ghost escorted Benny to a small building where the majority of the kids had left for the holiday. As a little girl passed them, Benny recognized her immediately. "Oh my God, that's my best friend, Rosario; she was the only girl who ever talked to me when I was in grade school." Benny ran to the girl and tried to get her attention, but the Ghost walked to him and said, "Dude, these are simple memories, they can't see or hear you, you're just a figment of the Earth, that rock over there," she explained pointing to a rock. Benny then walked into the building and nearly cried. The Ghost fixed her hair and played her guitar once more, singing, _Smelly cat, smelly cat…_

He hadn't been in the school house for over twenty years. Inside, there were four boys, one with a Led Zeppelin shirt on, one with glasses and a video camera, one with a pack of cigarettes, and one with a book and a pencil. The boy in the Led Zeppelin shirt then said to the boy at the desk, "C'mon, dude," he said pulling his shirt, "no one should be alone on Christmas,"

"Yeah," replied the kid with the glasses, "you'll miss my mom's Hanukah chicken and matzo ball soup again,"

"And you know how good Mark's momma's chicken is, almost as good as my Grandma's sweet potato pie, with sour cream to the side," the boy with the cigarettes said. He then took the book and the boy reading it snatched it away and held it close to him.

The boy with the book then looked up at them and said, "Who cares about stupid old Christmas?" His friends then walked away as they yelled 'woo-hoo' over the fact that they got to go home for the holidays. "Do you know who this boy is?" asked the Ghost as she placed her guitar back in its case and looked at her diamond encrusted watch. "That's me." Benny looked at the sad eyed little boy and looked at his grown up self: rich, and unhappy. "Ok," said the Ghost with boredom, "not that this sob story is touching, but I have about two more memories until the Jacob Marley party, so…watch your meaningless childhood, and may be you'll learn something." Then, a video cassette player popped out of no where and the Ghost pressed the 'fast-forward button'. As it goes to show, they saw Benny grow at a fast pace. The VCR then disappeared as the memory faded.

"And now, another Christmas of so long ago," she said as the room got darker. This time, it led them to a warmly light street that was by the nearest Macy's. Right next to it was an old factory he hadn't seen in years. "I know this place," he said, "This is Fezziewig's Toy Factory, they closed it down in '86," he said with tears coming to his eyes, "this must be the annual Fezziewig Christmas party. He had it every Christmas Eve." The Ghost wasn't listening; she was too busy flirting with a young man who kissed her hand and then left. Then an old, plump, jolly man opened the door and said, "Come one and all, family and friends, to a land of where fun never ends,"

"And there's dear old Fezziewig himself."

"You know him?"

"Know him? He was my mentor; he taught me everything I needed to know about business." But the Ghost wasn't listening to him she was just looking at all the men flirtatiously. "Sounds like a party in there," she said flipping her blonde hair was giddiness, "What are we waiting for Coffin, let me at this party!" They entered to a magical world where there was food, boys, and music. Along with that, Fezziewig was firmly talking to a worker. "It's Christmas Eve Coffin," he said, "Go make your self available." He pushed the young man into the party crowd. Benny then realized that the young man was him. "Spirit," he called out, but she busy dancing with the man she was flirting with. "God, she's hopeless," he thought with annoyance.

Inside, there was extravagant food, like turkey, crème de la crème, cranberry sauce, (the kind that comes from a can,) stuffing, potatoes, and endless amount of dessert. Benny loved the party. It reminded him of the days where he was younger and naïve. Then, he saw the younger version of himself with Fezziewig, and a young girl who was lovely and quite recognizable.

"Benny," said Fezziewig, "I'd like you to meet Mimi Marquez, a dear old friend from my side of the family," The dark hair girl, with her big brown eyes, would later on in her life steal the heart of one Roger Davis, but that's a different story. She wore a pink dress with a green headband in her hair. "Nice to meet you," she said as she fixed a lock of her hair. The young Benny looked at her and said, "Nice to meet you too. You wanna dance?" She nodded her head and as Fezziewig yelled, "Splendid!" the two young lovers, experienced an early romance. The Ghost walked up to Benny, tired from her gritty dance and cried out, "You know, they should tell you weather you're married or not," then, she looked at young Mimi and Benny dancing. "You know her?" Benny looked on at that magical moment in his life and nodded.

"There is another Christmas that has to be shown." She looked sad when she stated this and played a sad tune on her guitar. Benny shot his head up at the thought of what an unwanted memory would bring him. "Please Spirit," he begged, "Don't show me that Christmas Eve." She shook her head and said, "I'm sorry, but it's in the contract." The room spinet around and then the room disappeared and the music and life of the party died and they were in their old apartment, with Mimi and him sitting by the fire, saying their fateful good byes.

"Benny," said Mimi with tears in her eyes, "I have to let you go." She removed a ring form her finger and placed it his large hand. Benny looked at his sad self and heard himself say, "Mimi, please, I love you, he got on one knee and held the ring, saying, "we can make this work some how," She shook her head and cried for a moment, Benny couldn't bear to watch, but the Ghost grabbed the top of his head and jerked it into view.

"I can't have you be my nurse; this child will live with my mother."

"I can change."

"You've told me that so many times, I don't know what's true or not any more."

"I love you Mimi," he held her in his arms for about an hour, (or to the Ghost and present Benny, five seconds because of the 'fast-forward' button on the VCR that appeared once again,) she then pulled herself out with her suitcase and walked to the door, saying, "You did once," He then looked out the window and saw her get into the cab. There was then darkness and they were in Benny's room once more. There were tears in Benny's eyes and he just looked at the Ghost, who was wearing a blue party dress and toying with her guitar again.

"Spirit, why do you torment me?" he asked with a bitter sneer. The Ghost looked at him and said, "Hey, bud, listen, I never said that it was my fault that you would crack up. These were shadows of what happened do not blame me. And by the way, I need a hundred bucks for your trip because I borrowed the Big Guy's VCR."

"Leave me the hell alone," said Benny as he wiped his tears. The Ghost took a step back and said, "Fine, I'll send you the bill," She then vanished in her white light. Benny, from what had happened for tonight's events, cried himself to sleep…until the bell tolled two.

A/N: Added on to.


	4. Chapter 4: The Ghost of Xmas Present

We ne'er owned, we ne'er owned, we ne'er owned last year's Rent! Or the funny cameos from different shows.

Chapter 4: The Ghost of Christmas Present

Benny woke up with wonder. This time, he was ready for the Ghost. But instead of a supernatural light, he saw light coming from the living room and the smell of food. "Come," said a voice, "and don't step on my pastrami sandwich." He felt a strange and exhilarating joy come inside of him. He entered the living room to se glorious amounts of food everywhere. "Careful where you step," said a voice from behind him. Benny spinet around and saw a big…no…huge man the size of a giant in the room. He was eating a large meatball sub along with a large coke. He had dark hair and you could tell he was from Brooklyn because of the accent. He wore a crown of mistletoe on his head of black hair and seemed almost ancient in his green robe with white trimming. "Are you the Ghost of Christmas Present?" The Spirit looked at him and said, "Uh…yeah! I got this job when I was broke and dying on the street of unhappiness, but now, when ever I come across a Scrooge….hey, hey ,hey; don't touch my ham panini! I get those if I do a great job, but any, come, and know me better dude!"

"What's with the feast?"

"It's the Food of Generosity, a word that ain't in your vocabulary."

"Spirit," said Benny picking up a goblet of chocolate milk and a piece of bread, "I can see that you really love Christmas and food."

"Well you need to eat some how, it's like if I split this brownie with you," The Ghost then took the brownie in his hand and split it, leaving a sliver of a piece for Benny. "Hey, that's not fair, you got the larger piece."

"Well, that's how everyone else feels about you; you always get the larger piece." He magically then shrunk down to Benny's size. "Have you ever experienced the magic of Christmas?"

Benny looked to the ground; was he to lie to this cheerful ghost, or tell the truth? Benny then had the courage to say the truth. "Well, I guess I never really took the chance to enjoy the holiday with anyone." The Ghost rested a hand on his shoulder. "C'mon buddy, that's why I'm here, to show you the magic that is Christmas." The Ghost opened the window and said, "And now, I'd like to welcome you to….Christmas Morning." The sun was bright and the people were in a state of happiness for it being Christmas Morning. Benny and The Ghost walked about the street looking at the Carolers by Gimbals and the shoppers just putting up signs that said, 'On Vacation'. The air was filled with smells of turkey and or ham being roasted on the table. Potatoes were being mashed and the citizens were just plain excited about the holiday. "Is this what Christmas is like?" asked Benny as he felt the warmth of it for the first time.

"Heck yeah, but now, let's go see how Mark, Roger, and the rest are doin'." The walk to the home of Mark Cohen and Roger Davis seemed short and convenient…for the Ghost because he was checking all the women out on the street. They came by a small apartment complex that was all too familiar to Benny. "Hey," he said to the Ghost, "I finally recognize who you are: you're that actor who played _Pinocchio _at the Children's Theater,"

"Rather not talk about that, and the name is Joey Tribbianni in real life, but it's Mr. Spirit to you."

They looked inside the window of the apartment to see a working Mimi in the kitchen. The smells of turkey, ham and chicken along with beans, mashed potatoes, sweet potato pie, apple pie, gingerbread men, and Italian Love Knots. "Mimi always was a good cook." He then saw Mallory and Megan walk to their mother and ask if they can have a cookie. 'No," said Mimi. The twins said "Aww…" and then the door opened up with a cry of, "Merry Christmas Bitches!" it was none other than Tom Collins and his new boy friend, Hernandez Garcia, coming home for the holidays with their five daughters, Victoria, who was 18, Jessica, who was 16, Alyssa, who was 14, Alexandra, who was 12, and Erica, who was only 7. They were orphaned because of their mother and father's passing from a car accident, and they were taken in by this kind man they called, 'Papa Garcia,' and to Collins, he was just know as, 'Uncle Collins'.

Roger, Mark, Maureen, and Joanne, along with hers and Maureen's sons, Nick, Chris, James, and Michael. The kids saw each other and they immediately started to play with each other, with the Exceptions of Nick, Victoria, Chris, and Jessica, who decided to help Mimi with a hand in the kitchen. "How can they fit all these kids and people in this apartment," asked Benny with awe. "It's not that small, it's a loft, and its big enough to have all 21 people inside to have a fantastic Christmas dinner, thanks to you,"

"They're my friends, they deserve the best," stated Benny

"Are you sure about that?"

"What do you mean?"

His question was soon to be answered when three other kids entered the room. "It's those kids, Gerry, Scarlet, and Megan; they threw that slush ball at me." But his though was soon interrupted by: "Aunt Maureen! It's us!" Maureen screamed with joy as the three teenagers entered the loft. "How have you three been?" she said planting them with red lip stick kisses. "Oh, we've been fine…except our stupid sixteen year old brother got us in trouble with Scrooge last night."

"What did you do, Gerald William Johnson?"

"All I did was throw a slush ball at his head, he was in our way,"

"Don't do it again," said Joanne who was rolling the dough out for cookies. The teenagers nodded their heads and went back to their yearly Christmas plans; Gerry would flirt with Jessica while the girls would try and get Nick and Chris' attention. As the 25 Bohemians sat down to their Christmas feast, Little Megan (so you know which Megan belongs to Mimi,) suggested that they play a game. "I'll go first," said Gerry. "This thing isn't well liked and lives in the city."

"A cat?" asked Nick

"No"

"A cockroach?" asked James, Michael and Peter

"Nope,"

"A seagull!" cried Erica and Tim Davis

"Definably not,"

They were just about to give up when Jessica, a beautiful girl with wavy brown hair said, "I think I know; he's unwanted, lives in the city, neither a cat, rat, dog, nor seagull. Why, it's none other than Benjamin Coffin III!"

"Correct!" the kids and adults then started laughing, and Benny was just heart broken at this. He knew that they were his only friends, and he never knew that he was made fun of like this. "You brought it upon yourself," said the Ghost, "anyway, you have something else to see now." Benny shook his head with reluctance. "Show me no more, I just wan to go home." But the Ghost just ignored him and led him to the poorer side of town, where he led Benny to another smaller apartment. Benny looked inside the window to see a beautiful blonde woman, who looked about 21. She stirred in a pot for a second and then said to what looked like her oldest son, "Anthony, keep a close eye on that turkey, we need to make sure it perfect for your father and Tiny Tim." The boy had dirty blonde hair and looked about fifteen. "It smells so good, Mom." Benny looked at the turkey…well it looked more like a chicken if you look at it because it was that small.

"Who is that? And where are we Spirit?" asked Benny. The Ghost looked at him with annoyance of all his questions and said, "We're at the home of your employee, Bob Crotchet, and the really sexy blonde at the stove is his wife, Emily." They looked in a while longer and saw a girl in jeans, a blue sweater, and her brown hair in a braid, enter the kitchen with a smaller girl with blonde hair and wore a pink sweatshirt and jeans, unlike her older sister, she wore her hair down. "Mom," said the girl in the sweater, she looked no more than sixteen, complained, "When's Daddy and Tiny Tim going to be home? I'm really hungry, and so is Anna,"

"Belinda," said Emily, "They will be home in 5 minutes, why don't you and Anna set the table with the good plates for your father?"

"The good glasses too?"

"What about the wine for Daddy?" asked Anna, who was wise for a girl of thirteen "Yes, yes, bring the good glasses and the wine out,"

"Can Anthony and me have some wine this year?" asked Belinda as she set the table with a hopeful glare that only Anthony and Benny seemed to notice. "Yeah," said Peter, "We've been good."

"Absolutely not,"

"Dang it," murmured the brother and sister.

There was then singing outside of the apartment and Benny turned around to see Crotchet and a little about 7 or 8 on his father's strong shoulder. _Silent Night, holy night. All is calm; all is bright, 'round yon Virgin, mother and child. Holy infant so tender and mild, sleep in heavenly peace…sleep in heavenly peace…._ "Nice job singing son," said the loving father side that Crotchet contained in his heart. "Do you think they'll let me sing in Carnegie Hall one day?"

"Carnegie Hall, thinking of the future already Tiny?"

The father and son entered the house and the next thing he knew, the moment Crotchet sadi, "Hello family," the three eldest children ran to him and crushed him in the process. The dinner was ready and Tiny Tim got really excited as he saw Christmas Dinner on the table. 'The turkey…the food…the dinner…the…" he didn't finish his excitement speech because he started coughing. "Now, son," said Emily as she rushed to he youngest son with his inhaler, "you got too excited sweetie. You just go sit down and rest, okay." Benny then entered their house with the Ghost by his side and as the Spirit munched on a turkey sub, Benny eyed the Crotchet Christmas Dinner. It wasn't much really, mind you, it had the scrawny in size turkey, and not much enough to feed a family of six, seven if you include the pregnant dog. It had the tiny turkey, a bowl of boiled potatoes, peas, chestnuts, and canned cranberry sauce. It contained a loaf of bread and such too.

"I'd like to make a toast to Mr. Coffin, the founder of the feast," Crochet as he lifted his wine glass in toast. All was silent at the table and Emily looked bitter and sounded angry when she said, "'Founder of the feast' indeed! Why if that SOB was here, I'd sure as heck give him a piece of my mind like we did in Boston. He's rude, unkind, and inhuman…"

"But my dear, it's Christmas."

Then, Tiny Tim rose his glass of grape juice in the air saying, "The founder of the feast, Mr. Coffin." Reluctantly, Emily lifted her glass with the rest of her family and said, "To Mr. Coffin, may you have many years of happiness and good health." They then sat down to their feast as Tiny Tim stated, "God bless us, everyone," They ate in happiness and peace.

Benny looked at the kind little boy with sadness. "Spirit," he asked, 'what's wrong with the boy?" The Ghost looked at him, all tired and such, "He's suffering from Leukemia and they're trying to raise money for the bone marrow surgery that he needs. But I see an empty chair, and the same crutch, but it lacks the owner, to the looks of things, the child may die." Benny knew that after this, he would have to do something, Bob had helped him out with his growing business, and he knew that they needed help, the entire family.

As the Crotchets disappeared into the dark, Benny started to think of what he can do. When light returned to his eyes, they were in a grave yard. "Why are we here, Spirit?" asked Benny. The Ghost looked tired and said, "My time with you is ending, and you must take your time to see the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come."

"When must you leave?"

The bell of the clock at the grave yard started to toll three and the Ghost of Christmas Present started to fade away. "Now?" cried Benny, "But Spirit, you can't leave, I learned so much from you, and I know how to keep the holiday alive inside me."

"I know, but now you must go meet with the Ghost of Christmas Yet to come. Go and know him better man." The Ghost then disappeared in his red and green sparkles, leaving Benny alone in the grave yard.

A/N: Ooooo, what will happen next? Will Benny get the message? Stay tuned to find out! Only a few more days til' Christmas, see if we can finish by then!!!


	5. Chapter 5: The Ghost of Xmas Future

We ne'er owned, we ne'er owned, we ne'er owned last year's Rent! Or the funny cameos from different shows.

Chapter 5: The Ghost of Christmas Future

Benny turned around to see a man in a business suit holding a brief case. "Who the hell are you?" he asked confused. The figure said, "I'm Chandler Bing, the Ghost of Christmas Future, and I'm here to show you what you're future will be like and then I will get to shake my belly like bowl full of jelly."

"What?"

"Never mind, I don't really have time for much of a lecture, so, we have to leave, I got a date with an anal cleaner."

"Fine, uh….Spirit, but I just want to let you know that I accept this journey with a thankful heart and ask why you're not dressed in a like, Grim Reaper outfit."

"So it's all about the damn outfit now is it? I don't like that dress, it makes me look like my dad."

Not wanting to hear anymore of this guy's personal life, Benny let the Ghost lead him to an ally where three gamblers were playing cards and giving their winnings to their boss….Joe Bryant. And the three gamblers, he knew them. They had used to work at his account house, but he had to fire them each a different time for a different reason. The first one, Betty Alistair, was tall, super model thin, had black hair, and was very busty for a twenty year old. Benny remembered he had fired her for a completely off reason; he had fired her for making out with Danny Hamilton, who he later had fired for from taking more than one day off after Thanksgiving a few weeks ago, while at work in his office. The final person there was Josh Prebe; his mail man for the office, who he had gotten both fired and arrested for opening his mail and making a comment on Allison.

"Well," said Joe, "What do you wonderful friends of mine have for me?" He gently caressed Betty's cheek, whom had quickly swiped his grimy hands way from her face and said, "C'mon, Joe, I have to be at the Cat Scratch by five and if I'm late, I'll be working extra lap dances on the boss, who doesn't pay." Like the whore she is, thought Benny. Joe looked at her, "Quite right, missy, can't deny that boss of you're bodice and such, so just show me what you've got for dear ol' Joe,"

The first one, Josh, pulled out a giant wad of money and said, "Found this in his safe, he won't be needing 50 grand where he's at right now." Joe eyed the money greedily and said, "Josh, where would I be with out my right hand man? And you?" he said pointing to Danny. Danny pulled out three credit cards, a driver's license, and cufflinks. "Well, boss, I've got his cufflink, real gold, can probably get a lot from EBay out of this, his credit cards, and his driver's license, you can buy nice things for your self now."

Joe took the items from Danny, happy to see that he even put his picture on the license. And then, finally he looked at Betty, who was looking pretty nice tonight. "What have you got, dear?" She pulled out a cashmere blanket and a wad of Egyptian cotton sheets. "I got the sick bastard's blankets and sheets." Joe grabbed the bed spread and said, "They're still warm!"

"They should be," she said with a smirk, "It's the only warmth he ever had besides his wife's fat ass."

They started laughing and Benny looked at the Ghost, "Spirit, I know that they're talking about me, and I know that something happened, but before I press on to that matter, can I please see some joy in this messed up reality?" The Ghost took him to a place that he had been to not so long ago. "Why, this is Bob Crotchet's house, there's always a goblet of joy here," He looked into the window, and the aromas smelled the same, but there was something different about the house wife, she was at the stove in tears, as was her son, Anthony. "Mom," said her oldest daughter, Belinda, "are you crying again?" Emily shot her head up and said, "No, no sweetie, I'm just chopping the onions, they make me tear up… why don't you go set the table? Anna and your father will be home soon, and we need to satisfy their appetite,"

Anthony looked down and said to his mother, "He's walked a little slower…since it happened." Benny only then realized what was going on. "Not Tiny Tim!" he walked into the house and saw the family cry as they tired to make it through the holiday. "How," Benny asked. The Ghost looked up from this copy of _The New York Times _and said, "Don't take it the wrong way, but you didn't pay Crochet enough to let him pay for the surgery. Because of that, Tiny Tim was left to die in a hospital bed, alone, cold, and scared. It's basically your lack of compassion that caused the kid's down fall."

Benny looked at the family: what was once a happy, joyful family was now a crushed and miserable family who lost the baby of the family. Crochet and Anna then walked into the room and the family quietly sat down as Emily tightly hugged her husband and asked, "How was it?" Crochet looked at his children and his wife and said, "We picked the perfect spot; it was by that old park by the sea…"

"Tiny Tim, loved the sea, it made him feel like another human and…" she couldn't finish because she fell apart, "My baby…my little Timothy! They should've taken me, I'd give my life to let him live."

"We lost him too, Mommy," said Anna, "we would all give our lives to bring him back." Benny couldn't bear to watch anymore. "Spirit," he said, "Can I change this from ever happening?"

"You tell me," said the Ghost, "any way, c'mon, bud, I gotta show you one more thing."

"Is it my own grave?"

The Ghost didn't say anything for a moment. After about five minutes, he took the courage to say, "By the time you take a look at this, you'll wish you were seeing you're grave,"

"What could be worse than death?"

"Simple,"

They came to an alley by the Central Perk and Benjamin Coffin III saw a fate worse than death. "Spirit, you can't possibly tell me that this poor man on the streets is me."

"It gets worse. You are not only living on the streets; you're dying….from the same thing that's killed Angel."

"AIDS,"

"You got it, and to the looks of things, future you doesn't have a lot of time."

"What about my business…the others?"

"They took it over after you found out you had AIDS and they turned it into their own. And now, Mark and Roger own it."

Benny looked at himself. Alone, cold and dying, just like Tiny Tim. Even though this was a shadow of what could happen, he began to feel his chains, and it was painful for him to compare it with any financial pain. No, these chains contained every pain and suffering he endured through his life. Benny then broke down. He grabbed the pants leg of the Ghost and begged, "Spirit, please, I can change. I promise for the rest of my life, to keep Christmas in my heart not once a year, but every day of my natural life. Please, I'll change. I'll change. I'LL CHANGE!!"

The next thing he knew, he was blinded by sunlight and he felt around himself. I'm alive, he thought and he ran to the window, taking in the warmth of the day. He ran about the room, dancing up a storm. "Allison," he said looking at it, "I'm a changed man!" He danced and danced until he looked out the window again, to see a little boy of no more than 12 walk by and said, "You there, boy, can you do me a favor, and if you help me, you'll get five bucks…"

A/N: This is the part where we are in allotted time sorry if the chapter was short; so pray we finish by tomorrow and or Monday.


	6. Chapter 6: A Changed Man

We ne'er owned, we ne'er owned, we ne'er owned last year's Rent! Or the funny cameos from different shows. This is the last and final chapter! We hope you all had liked this story.

Chapter 6: A Changed Man

"Really?" said the boy as he walked closer to the building in disbelief. Benny took out his wallet and shoved 50 bucks in a small bag along with the five that he was promised. He threw it down to the boy. "Do they still have that prized Canadian turkey?"

"The big one,"

"Yeah,"

"Sure, no one's gonna waste 50 bucks on a turkey unless they're loaded."

"Buy it for me."

"Seriously"

"Yeah, seriously,"

Benny then ran in to get his best outfit on until he asked the boy one last question; "What day is it today, boy?"

"Today? Why, today is Christmas sir, did you loose you're calendar? By the way, do you want me to drop the bird off here?"

"Yeah, thanks." They boy then skipped off yelling, "Sweet! I just made five bucks today, may be it won't be a crappy Christmas this year," into the world. Benny continued to get ready, wearing a red scarf and a green Armani sweater with blue jeans. He went about the city, saying 'Merry Christmas,' to the people. He met up with the boy and he quickly ran to the nearest Toys 'R' Us, American Eagle, and Macy's. When he got to the home of Crotchet, they weren't there. He then remembered that they were going to Roger's and Mark's house for the holiday; since he had gifts for them too and the kids; all of them, including Maureen's snotty nieces and nephew.

The boy and Benny then got to the home of Roger and Mark with the gifts and such. "Hide," Benny whispered to the boy and that's exactly what he did. He knocked on the door, with his grim face ready to surprise them on this Christmas day. Crochet answered the door and nearly fainted when he saw his employer outside the door. "M…m…Mr. Coffin."

"Bob Crochet; why were you, Davis, and Cohen not at work this morning?"

You gave us the day off…"

"I Benny Coffin? Give you the day off? Where did you think I would get such bull crap from?" Mimi, Maureen, Joanne, and Emily, then heard what was going on and they ran to the door yelling vulgarities at him. "And I for one," stated Emily, "that you said that you gave my husband and our friends the day off,'

"How dare you talk that way to me?"

"How dare you talk that way to my husband?"

"And how dare I not give your husband a promotion."

"And how dare you-what?"

"Give him a promotion, along with a decent raise as to be my partner." Crochet looked at him with so much surprise, he was so happy that he could…melt. (Wicked reference, lol)

"A-a-a partner?"

"Yeah, enough to help your little boy out."

Joanne looked at him and asked, "Are you ok? Do I need to get the thermometer out of the petroleum jelly?"

"No need, Ms. Jefferson, just wanting to ask you, your lover and the rest to join me for a little turkey dinner. And as for the kids…and teenagers, I'd like to give you and you're parents a little gift. He then dumped a bag of gifts all over the floor under the tree, while the kids yelled, "Toys!!"

The boy then ran in with the turkey and Mimi and Maureen cried out, "Oh my God!" Roger, Mark, Collins, and Hernandez then ran in to see the gigantic turkey and the presents that Benny had given them. From that point on in his life, Benny kept the Spirit of Christmas inside his heart for the rest of his life. And Tiny Tim, who did not die, considered Benny as a second father, who hadn't known that he played a small part in saving Benny from himself. At dinner time, Tiny Time sat down next to Benny, giving him a small card that said, 'God Bless us, everyone,'

FIN

A/N: That was the end of our story. We hope you enjoy our little gift to the Fan Fiction site and have a Merry Christmas. And a happy New Year, but first, a quote from _Friends: The One Where Under Dog Gets Away:_

"_Hey, and here's to a lousy Christmas,"_

"_And a crappy New Year!"_

_ Ross and Rachel _


End file.
